I’m eternally grateful for the opportunity to share each unique story of inspiration that comes my way through Fit for Broadway. It's rare that I get to revisit old features with new light, so today I'm incredibly grateful!

Nicholas' spirit moved me from the minute I met him and every encounter since, even from afar. I have always admired his strength in every way you could define strength. He has been through an amazing journey since his first FFB Feature on Fit for Broadway in 2014. As I have continued to watch Nicholas’ life blossom, I requested he revisit the blog to share insight into a life well lived and the way he defines change.

As we all persevere through imperfect journeys, we empower each other by the simple act of sharing our truth and by being an example of positivity and light. Nicholas is all of these things, more, and Fit for Broadway!

It’s been over two years since my first encounter with Jane Jourdan and her ever-evolving blog “Fit For Broadway”. During those two years, not only has a lot changed for me in my professional life, but much more deeply - my personal life.

Today I am 632 days sober. I have not touched a drink, or substance since June 8th 2015, and boy have I changed. I don’t think it’s something that needs to be screamed from the mountaintops but I was definitely in a different place the last time I had an interview with Jane. I wasn’t sober and my lifestyle was very different. Very different.

It’s hard to believe that I was capable of even holding my life together two years ago, when to this day I still struggle with things in life (as we all do), and I’m 100% lucid and sober.

Looking back on the last two years with light and love, I’ve realized that no matter how hard we think that we are capable of change, it’s not until you put the energy in and take the time to practice daily a “choice to change”, will you really start seeing a difference. I think through my days, good and bad, that talking about how to, and this is, and why not, are ways of projecting a sense of belief on other people, and I’ve had to step back and really look at myself and my habits and lifestyle to be able to really be an example of what I talk about and strive to be. I think the hardest part of reading back over my blog post two years ago was the fact that I was talking about health and lifestyle, when I was so far from it that it seems sacrilege to even be reading it when I was living through such a difficult time of my addiction troubles.

Part of the reason why they are troubles are because people with deeply rooted addiction have the capability of hiding it from day to day, and are capable of living a “normal” life. I put “normal” in air quotes because life isn’t normal, really what is? But that is for another blog post. “What really is normal?” … But back to my point, normality to me as an addict is turning up to work on time, having a balanced diet, going to the gym a few times a week, those kinds of things. If we are capable of doing that and downing a bottle or two of wine a night then we are capable of being a functioning alcoholic. Not a very easy path to walk but if you fall in deep enough, anyone is capable.

All of this was being brought to the surface and to my alarming attention, I was reading through my answers about health and lifestyle, exercise and diet, when I realized that no matter how much I spoke about it, I wasn’t practicing any of it. Here lays the truth of my title.

“Practice what you preach”.

No matter how far we go leading ourselves with the thought of living a healthy life, until will really put it in to practice, we aren’t actually living it. There isn’t a point to leading your mind into thinking you are a beacon of health when you are just spluttering words out of your mouth and not actually following through with action. I bring this up because I was living proof that this was the case. Now my issues stem a little deeper, as you will be able to read on my own personal blog but it was something that came to my attention as a performer and artist.

Practicing mindfulness daily is where it will begin. I do believe that one needs to be at peace in their mind to really enjoy life to the full. This is one way to find space in your ever-filling brain and to witness change once you’ve honed in on that. The fact that you can exercise your brain as well as your body is something really quite spectacular. Stepping outside your box and finding moments to not use and to really live a healthily lifestyle is something that will be important later down the line, and I really wish that I had listened harder to my mother and to people around me earlier to realize this.

Dealing with these things later in life is harder, because they are rooted deeper than earlier in life BUT you may not of had the skill set to really figure out who you were at such a young age. So the line is fine, but for me, and my advice would be if you can start to practice being kind to your spirit, exercising your mind, and fueling your body with nutrients and love, you will notice the changes in time if not instantly.

I try to practice what I preach now, I live honestly through all my truth and then I never have to worry about what I said when I was obliterated, and I never have to be ashamed or guilty of my actions. One thing ‘we’ as a society have come to realize is that we all on some level feel shame and guilt. I’ve read so many self-help books I should be Louise L. Hay, but in all seriousness the root of all these books comes from shame. It’s something I’ve been doing research on these past few weeks because I want to try and understand why we do this to ourselves and why these thoughts come up every day? I have thought it could be related to the past, or even what we think will happen in the future, but one thing I do know is that a lot of it stems from our own personal fears. If we live in our truth then we won’t have to worry about the mistake of fear, and once we eradicate fear we are bound to have an endless journey of light and confidence, leading us through life with open hearts and mindfulness. Fear is something I also have been looking into and how it really shapes us. Fear of not being enough, fear of not being loved, fears amount up to an extraordinary percentage of our brain space and if that was taken away imagine how much time you’d have to enjoy your life?

I have said it before and I will say it again. Once fear is eradicated from our lives we are capable of anything. I’m not saying that it’s possible or that someone can be fixed in a second but I do know that working on this thought daily does help my confidence and has really helped me through some very dark and difficult times in the past 600 days of my life.

Learning to deal with all these things in separate ways is a way of exercising your brain. Becoming comfortable with delving into those parts of your mind is something that takes work. I am no Dalai Lama and I have certainly not been practicing enough to be a guru of sorts. But I do know that I’ve practiced enough to notice change within myself and that feeling my footsteps as I walk down the street, or counting to five after I’ve finished a meal or taking a breath after talking to a friend has really shaped the way I think about things and has really helped me develop into someone that is finding space in my head for happiness.

For the last two years taking one day at a time really plays truth to not only my sobriety but for me as a “normal” person. I want to try and give insight to those people who do drink because I want to help both teams. Everyone has a choice and what ever that choice is, as long as it makes you happy is where you are supposed to be. But regret, shame, and guilt shouldn’t be coming to mind when you live your life. Those thoughts shouldn’t be there and if they are that is when you need to look inside, take a time out from this chaotic world and think why? Why are you feeling like this? Why are you avoiding that situation? Why are you not following through on those plans you made? I can’t answer those questions because the only person who really can is you, and who better to be your best friend than yourself! I have learnt over time and dedication to my body, my mind and my spirit that living becomes more enjoyable and somewhat doable once I’ve answered those questions. There has been moments in my life where I have not wanted to be here on this planet, and if you have had those feelings too, don’t give in to them. Do not. Hope is light, light is energy and energy gives you power. The power you need to change your life and that is the one thing that will always be there for you to grab with two hands. Change.

Change is the only constant thing in our life. Every day. Socrates said, “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” In there is a choice, you can choose to work on changing things that have happened but nothing will change. The change will happen when you make a choice to build the new. You have a choice, every day, you have a choice to get out of bed and live, or you have a choice not to. I always say to my mother that waking up is a blessing in itself and we’ve been given another day to really find out what we are on this earth to do. Purpose and place is something we all strive for as human beings, but stop looking aimlessly around your surroundings and stop throwing every ounce of energy outwards. Turn your focus inward and find out whom you really are. This exercise takes time but there is purpose to every one, you just won’t find it until the chaos has been stopped. Every new day is another chance to change your life. It can take time or it can happen in a split second, but one thing is for sure, you will be present and will be there for the ride.

I feel within this written piece there may be some value, some insight, or you may have not taken anything at all, but I ask you regardless of any of those thoughts to really delve deep and ask yourself, “Are you happy?”

If you find yourself at a fork in the road, think about practicing what you preach, and rehearse in your mind the steps of becoming a better version of you. I’ve found that change is now bountiful in my life and I embrace it. It keeps life interesting. Regardless of where you are at or how you are feeling, it won’t last forever. That is the beauty of change. You can’t change what is going on around you until you start changing what is going on within you.

I will leave you with a quote from my last FFB blog post…

“A daily practice of learning to love yourself is a very strong way to make yourself feel confident”.

Now that I have shared my story, I can truly say that phrase with confidence, commitment and courage because I have worked on learning to love myself and be a true example of following a daily routine and by practicing what I preach.

Peace.

Nicholas.